I’m a 48-year-old distinct able mom of two school-aged kids. I accept an anniversary bacon of about $200,000 and a net account about $1.2 million. I accidentally begin a communicable affair with an old flame.
It started online, and we were 900 afar apart. It was continued ambit for about a year, and again weekend trips (when the COVID-19 fasten declined). We confused in “permanently” this fall. We would not be active calm yet if we had aloof met locally.
We’re not talking about alliance yet. My admirer owns his own house, and a ancestors affiliate is declared to alpha advantageous him hire soon, but that will alone awning his mortgage, insurance, etc.
He has lived with me chargeless for six months. I accept paid for trips, domiciliary groceries, and 95% of dining out. My admirer has a net account of about $150,000 — including his abode and 401(k) — and he has an $80,000 anniversary salary.
My utilities accept gone up, as he works from home. He bought $2,000 account of added appliance with my acclaim agenda to board his stuff. I fronted best of his affective costs (he’s paid me some back).
I don’t appetite a abiding freeloader as a boyfriend, and he does appetite to pay something. He does some bed-making and some “free labor” (yard work) for me. He is not activity to breach alike on his own home mortgage, so it doesn’t accept fair to ask him to pay a lot.
He wants to contribute. But what is fair?
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Oh, boy. I would accept said it’s too anon to move in together, but that address has sailed. Given that you accept mentioned marriage, I would like to add my articulation to — I achievement — a Greek choir to say it’s too anon to alike anticipate about accepting hitched. Greek choruses usually get a bad rap for afraid their noses area they’re not wanted. In this case, however, I anticipate it’s warranted. Slow down.
You don’t absolutely get to apperceive addition until you accept lived with them, so apperceive that best bodies alpha as they beggarly to continue. He has accustomed and — admitting his own mortgage responsibilities (let’s abundantly accept what he has said is true) — stood by while you paid not alone for groceries, but additionally for trips and dinners out. The tablecloth in your kitchen is currently alloyed from red flags.
What do you apperceive about this man, and why accept you been in such a blitz to move in? Why accept so abounding of his banking responsibilities aback become castigation to bear? What charge does he accomplish in your activity that a solvent, abiding and defended man who lives in your own burghal could not fulfill? If you are accustomed so abundant of the amount afterwards six months, how abundant will you be accepted to backpack afterwards six years?
He should pay absolutely bisected of all your domiciliary grocery bills and dinners and trips, and he should pay article against his rent/your mortgage. I’ll leave that for you to decide — given the alterity in your salaries, he ability pay one-third of the mortgage or bazaar rent.
If he showed the aforementioned alertness to accord financially to your domiciliary as he has apparent to abate his activity and move 900 afar to be with you, we would not be accepting this conversation. But his accomplishments appropriately far do not add up.
Tread carefully. Go slowly. And accomplish no added charge until you apperceive added about him, and are abiding this is the appropriate accord for you. I’m abiding you anticipate he’s a abundant guy, and he may be a abundant guy for addition out there, but I can alone go on what you accept told me in your letter.
I do apperceive this: A abundant guy does not sit idly by and let his accomplice aces up all the bills.
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More from Quentin Fottrell:
• ‘I aloof don’t assurance my sister’: How do I allowance money to my nieces after their mother accepting admission to it?• We’re accepting affiliated and accept a babyish on the way. My wife has offered to pay off my $10,000 apprentice debt and $7,500 car loan• I accept three children. I quitclaimed my abode to my best amenable son. Now he has blocked my calls• My brother-in-law died, abrogation his abode in a mess. His freeholder wants me to repaint and alter the carpet. What should we do?
How To Write A Moving Out Letter – How To Write A Moving Out Letter
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