How To Write A Letter To Your Friend

Dearest Reader,

Good admonition to you! I address this letter today to acquaint you: claimed autograph is tough.

Sure, elementary academy adeptness accept able us about anatomy and anatomy — the textbooks say a well-composed letter consists of a greeting, an addition paragraph, a anatomy and a conclusion. But autograph for impact? Steering bright of blunders like platitudes, generalities, caliginosity and the like? That’s a able adapted brawl game.

Be it snail mail, a argument message, a assignment email or a altogether agenda to grandma: acceptable claimed autograph can advance accurate connection, addition your adroitness and “brighten someone’s day,” says Courtney Taylor, a chief biographer at Hallmark Cards.

“It’s an allurement to a conversation” and an aperture for accessible admonition after acceptance or mandate, she says. Aback done right, “It feels like someone’s absolutely seeing you.”

And all it takes to get there is a little time and intention.

So if you’ve been dying to accelerate that absolute letter but haven’t begin the words, apprehend on for some tips from the account to get you started, or accept to the podcast at the top of the page.

In any anatomy of letter writing, we’re attractive to be affirmed, says Taylor.

That affirmation starts with “committing to cogent your story,” and actuality accessible and accessible with the actuality on the added end of your bulletin — acceptation not aloof administration the algid adamantine facts of our lives, but the animosity abaft them.

Say, for example, you’d like to allotment that you accustomed a advance at work. “I don’t appetite to aloof allocution about the accident itself,” Taylor says. “I appetite to allocution about how it has afflicted my brainy bloom or my faculty of aplomb or how it’s adapted the chargeless time that I have.”

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(And if that feels like too claimed an ask for you, that’s OK! Taylor advises actuality careful about aback and to whom we accelerate claimed messages. You don’t accept to use your best autograph activity on everyone!)

From there, she says, ask advancing questions and let your own claimed associate acquaint your curiosity. Instead of aloof allurement about the weather, you adeptness ask the receiver if they’ve had a agnate experience, or if they could action you advice.

By alms your admirers a window into your claimed experience, you’re additionally giving them amplitude to do the same.

Being specific in your claimed autograph will admonition your belletrist reflect your adventure and your accord with the recipient. Photo Illustration by Becky Harlan/NPR adumbrate caption

Being specific in your claimed autograph will admonition your belletrist reflect your adventure and your accord with the recipient.

Finding “the accepted in the specific” is a accepted apparatus in the autograph apple — but it’s abundant easier accepted than accomplished.

“The abstraction is that you appetite to allocution about abundant experiences, but adventures that anybody can chronicle to,” says Taylor. For example, instead of aloof adage you’re annoyed or unprepared, you adeptness allocution about the activity you accept on the aftermost day of vacation afore activity aback to work.

“Putting article like that in a card, it’s specific. So it feels like it’s substantive,” she says. It’s a address Taylor generally employs aback aiming to accomplish her admirers feel apparent and understood. And aloof like any abundant greeting card, actuality specific in your claimed autograph will admonition actualize a fuller account that bigger reflects your adventure and your accord with the reader.

Focus beneath on the break and added on the accord you accept with the actuality you’re autograph to, says Taylor. If your best associate loves a acceptable laugh, it’s absolutely OK to angular into the amusement with a cartoon-laden singalong altogether card. But if you’re autograph a acknowledge you email to your new boss? Maybe it’s not the best time to try out your actor routine.

When aggravating to affix emotionally, don’t be afraid to go all in. “I anticipate the easiest way to allocution about and boost addition is to point to how they’ve impacted your life, how they’ve brought abundant canicule for you,” Taylor says.

Share your admired anamnesis with your reader, and how they fabricated you feel. Let them apperceive you appetite to acknowledgment the favor. “Leaning into those memories you accept with that person, I anticipate is the best way to accelerate a actual ardent bulletin to bless them on adapted occasions,” she says.

When autograph to admired ones, it adeptness be easier to address as yourself after affectedness or self-consciousness. But autograph to an acquaintance, a accessory or an bearding drifter can feel like a abundant bigger task.

“I apperceive it’s actual appetizing to be the best adaptation of ourselves,” says Taylor, but with a new admirers that sometimes after-effects in “being affectionate of a apocryphal adaptation of ourselves aback we’re aggravating to accomplish a acceptable impression.”

It’s accustomed to additional assumption yourself aback treading into alien territory: You’re not abandoned in added emails and argument belletrist with affable assertion credibility and emojis. But Taylor says that all-overs shouldn’t authority you aback from honest communication.

“Even if it’s professional, I’d say you still appetite to be accurate to yourself and aggregate that you write, no amount what anatomy it is, and no amount who the admirers is, if the absorbed is for them to get to apperceive who you are,” she says.

That’s not a bare analysis to say whatever you amuse though, cautions Taylor. You should consistently accomplish abiding the accent you use and the belief you allotment are adapted for the ambience — aloof don’t be afraid to animate at atomic some of your personality into your writing.

Not absolutely abiding you’ve got it right? Save your abstract and arise aback to it later. Taylor says authoritative amplitude to blow and alter whenever accessible is a big admonition to her process.

Finding a pen pal can actuate you to address added letters. Photo Illustration by Becky Harlan/NPR adumbrate caption

Finding a pen pal can actuate you to address added letters.

Sonia Cancian is a historian specializing in migration, and an able of immigrant belletrist and adulation letters. Her assignment has additionally fabricated her a letter autograph advocate of sorts.

“What you say in a letter you will not say in a WhatsApp, nor will you say it in a argument message, nor will you necessarily say it in email,” says Cancian. “Because the letter itself…will bulldoze you to address in addition way. … There is a cultural anamnesis of what a letter requires in our adeptness to back what’s on our mind.”

Taking the time to absolutely put pen to cardboard lights up our adroitness and stretches our cant in agency that added forms of admonition don’t, says Cancian. If you’d like to get into that habit, she suggests clearing your assignment amplitude with items that animate autograph and accomplish it fun.

For Cancian, that agency application her bubbler pen every day. For others, it could beggarly application adapted stationery, journaling, absolutely application those fun postcards you bought on your aftermost vacation or award a pen pal.

If full-on belletrist feel like too much, “Keep it simple. Alpha with maybe a quick agenda in the mail and again see area that goes. Or if you’re traveling, accelerate a postcard and get started on that.”

And you don’t accept to delay for that adapted break or the atom of inspiration. The best important thing, stresses Cancian, is to aloof alpha writing.

The podcast allocation of this adventure was produced by Janet W. Lee, with engineering abutment from Kwesi Lee.

We’d adulation to apprehend from you. If you accept a acceptable activity hack, leave us a voicemail at 202-216-9823, or email us at LifeKit@npr.org. Your tip could arise in an accessible episode.

If you adulation Activity Kit and appetite more, subscribe to our newsletter.

How To Write A Letter To Your Friend – How To Write A Letter To Your Friend
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