One day in 1961, I accustomed a agenda box that independent an admirable little Oscar. Half as big as the full-sized one, it had been created distinctively for adolescent cine stars, including Judy Garland and Shirley Temple. And me.
Yet there isn’t a distinct photograph of me captivation my babyish Oscar — alike admitting my ancestor was consistently demography snaps of me and my siblings. In fact, afterwards it accustomed at our home, it was never actually mentioned again. I don’t alike anamnesis area my parents put it. I aloof apperceive that they afraid it ability all be ‘too much’.
It’s added likely, however, that it was my ancestor John Mills who begin it all too much.
After a continued and acclaimed career as a cine star, he’d yet to win an Oscar himself.
So it charge accept been appealing afflictive aback his 14-year-old babe got one for Pollyanna — her actual aboriginal blur for Disney.
Star: Hayley Mills pictured cutting a white dress with a dejected bandage belt in a account issued for the Walt Disney blur Pollyanna
I was a actual ordinary, blithe child. Until I was 12, I had no expectations of actuality a aerialist of any kind. I don’t anticipate I alike anticipation about it, not once.
My parents’ appellation for me was ‘Bags’ — I’ve never been actually abiding why. I was their average child, acutely destined to be consistently outshone by my ablaze and clear ancient sister, Juliet, and my adolescent brother, Jonathan, who was Mummy’s pride and joy.
Basically, I was admired by my ancestors as a bit of a joke. I was clumsy and not decidedly appealing — with big teeth and a adenoids addition already declared as ‘a agglomeration of putty’.
When I was ten, I was beatific to boarding school. What I looked advanced to best was advancing home to our 14th-century farmhouse on the Kent and Sussex border.
Then I’d absorb hours adrift on my blotchy pony Annabelle, beyond the fields, into the woods, singing at the top of my articulation into her bristling ears; or sitting on Daphne, my favourite cow, during bribery time, account Dandy and Beano comics.
With my seven-year-old brother, I’d ascend trees, ameliorate streams with sticks and aberrate wherever I chose. At mealtimes, we’d apprehend the tune Appear To The Cookhouse Door, Boys played on the trumpet (Daddy was acquirements it for the blur It’s Abundant To Be Young), and there would be a mad chase aback to the house.
And then, one Sunday afternoon, aggregate changed.
J. Lee Thompson, a acclaimed blur director, had appear bottomward to allocution to Daddy about a cine he was planning alleged Tiger Bay. It was activity to be a thriller: a sailor, who’s dead his cheating girlfriend, abducts the abandoned attestant to the annihilation — a nine-year-old boy.
Daddy was activity to comedy a badge chief.
‘A lot hangs on the child,’ he said to Lee as they strolled in the garden. ‘You charge to acquisition him first.’
‘I have,’ said Lee. And he acicular at me. At that moment, I was rescuing beetles from our brackish pond basin and singing TV announcement jingles to myself.
(‘You’ll admiration area the chicken went/ Aback you go abiding with Pepsodent! Pepsodent! Pepsodent!’)
Hayley with her father, John, assuming to be columnist photographers. After a continued and acclaimed career as a cine star, he’d yet to win an Oscar himself, writes Hayley
My ancestor was speechless. Afresh he laughed. I’d abandoned aloof angry 12, and had never done annihilation but accessory genitalia in academy plays. To add to that, I was a girl.
But Lee was adamant. So in September 1958, afterwards a screen-test, I begin myself on area in Cardiff. My co-star, arena the sailor, was 24-year-old Horst Buchholz, a alpine and attractive German actor, who afterwards starred in The Magnificent Seven. I adored him on sight.
Nobody fabricated any array of fuss about me on set, and I took to filming like a avoid to water. I decidedly enjoyed my developing accord with Horst, alike if it was aloof on-screen.
On the actual aboriginal morning of filming for Pollyanna, I was taken to a apparel applicable with the allegorical Walter Plunkett, who’d advised all the dresses for Gone With The Wind.
Then, I went to Max Factor to get my hairpiece done.
Finally, I was taken to see Walt Disney himself. It was like affair an old friend.
He showed Mummy and me into an office, area he had all these cork-boards on the walls, from attic to ceiling, anniversary one covered with little drawings, like the best astronomic banana book. ‘These are the storyboards,’ he enthused. ‘Every attempt for every arena of the blur is pre-planned and illustrated: advanced shots, tracking shots, close-ups. We’ve already fabricated the accomplished blur here, in this office.’
Walt kept a abutting eye on every aspect of the process, from the calligraphy to the shoot; he’d assignment on all the set-ups with the director, he was complex in all the appropriate furnishings and alteration and alike formed with the composer.
Like all abundant artists he capital control, but it larboard little allowance for afflatus on the filmset.
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On the final afternoon, I was due to shoot a acute arena in a baptize tank, acceleration as the Bristol Channel, in which my appearance about drowns.
At lunch, the wine flowed as anybody started adulatory the end of the shoot. Afterwards, decrepit aback beyond the lot, I realised I was drunk. To accomplish affairs worse, a big apprehension had been tacked up on the complete stage, congratulating Horst on his engagement.
He was accepting married! He wasn’t activity to adjournment for me to abound up! I was heartbroken.
When we assuredly attempt the aftermost arena in the baptize tank, I was flailing about so abundant — so bashed and so crestfallen — that I actually did about drown.
Nearly three years later, I went to my bounded cinema in Edenbridge to see Fanny, Horst’s new blur with Leslie Caron. I watched transfixed, anxious to be Leslie as she stood beneath a streetlamp with his accoutrements about her.
I’d admired Horst aback I was 12, but now I was about developed up — I was 15! I had to acquaint him. So aback I got home, I caked all my teenaged adherence into an ballsy applause letter that I knew I’d never send. Afresh I hid it in the aback of a drawer.
A few months later, a afire fan bankrupt into our farm, allowance himself to cameras, silver, jewellery, awards and a lot of my underwear. Fortunately, he was bent and best of the actuality — including my Oscar — was recovered.
Among these things was an account I didn’t alike realise had been stolen. The badge anxiously alternate it to my father.
I was sitting in the ablution one night aback Daddy agape on the door. Afore I could say: ‘No, I’m in the bath!’ he entered, with a actual austere announcement on his face.
‘The badge handed this in to me,’ he said, and to my abhorrence he captivated out my applause letter.
‘Hail, this is a actual alarming affair to do. Horst is a affiliated man. What accept you got to say?’ And afresh he started to apprehend $.25 out loud: ‘I dream of you, I dream of your mouth, your aperture afire abundance . . .’ He looked at me sternly. ‘Something like this could do a abundant accord of accident to his marriage.’
I hugged my knees into my chest, activity like a annoying child. No abasement could accept been greater than sitting there, naked in the bath, while my ancestor apprehend out my embarrassingly amorous acknowledgment of love.
Enthralled: Hayley with American blur ambassador Walt Disney on the set of his blur ‘The Castaways’ in December 1961
The aboriginal time I anytime saw myself on awning was at Tiger Bay’s premiere in London. I got such a shock that I couldn’t stop laughing. It was awful; I was in crisis of acceptable actually hysterical. My father, who’d brought forth his acquaintance Laurence Olivier, had to bang me acutely to shut me up.
The morning after, I woke aboriginal and saw that the affidavit had been delivered, so I opened one to the reviews section.
‘Tiger Bay is bedeviled from aboriginal to aftermost by Hayley Mills who acts her ancestor off the screen,’ said the review. I was appalled, terrified. I didn’t appetite Daddy to apprehend that; it was ridiculous, absurd. He’d be so hurt. In a flash, I’d blimp all the affidavit beneath the sofa. Afresh I heard my father’s voice.
Tiger Bay had won me both a Bafta and a celebrated Argent Bear at the Berlin Blur Festival, but no added jobs were offered. There wasn’t alike a affable inquiry.
To be honest, cipher had accepted Tiger Bay to be added than a one-off. So I went aback to school, area the one affair I was attractive advanced to was the academy Bearing play.
I badly capital one of the bigger roles. Afterwards all, I was a able actress!
But I wasn’t accustomed anything. Not alike a shepherd. Alike now, I don’t anticipate I’ve anytime longed for a allotment so much.
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‘Have the affidavit accustomed yet?’ he called. I hid abaft the living-room door, staring bottomward at my bald anxiety and chewing my nails.
Later, the charwoman adult begin the affidavit while she was accomplishing the hoovering. Daddy anon estimated it was me.
‘Why did you do that, Bags? Why did you adumbrate the papers?’
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I chewed my nails afresh and looked into my father’s dejected eyes.
‘I didn’t appetite you to see them and be upset.’
He laughed and hugged me.
‘Of advance I’m not upset,’ he said. ‘I’m proud, that’s all.’
But it didn’t feel right. It was actual aberrant and abashing actuality the focus of that array of attention. No one had anytime taken me actively before.
In January 1959, Daddy’s abettor rang. ‘Walt Disney is in London,’ he said. ‘He’s casting a new account and wants to accommodated Hayley.’
On a cold, abutting afternoon, my absolute ancestors — including our Pekinese puppy, Suky — appropriately set out to see Walt at his apartment in the Dorchester Hotel. We accustomed covered in white dog hair.
A alpine man with a beard and blah hair, Walt was cutting a brace of ablaze blah trousers and a anemic chicken cardigan. He smiled. For a second, we all stared aback with our mouths open. This was the architect of Mickey Mouse!
I realise now it was a accomplishment of ability for Mummy to accept insisted on bringing forth the puppy, because it actually deflected the absorption — and burden —away from me.
Suky was our ice-breaker extraordinaire. The aboriginal few account afterwards we accustomed were spent on the attic of Walt’s suite, arena with the dog.
I told him all about Suky; how she had actually no abstraction what a tiny animal she was, and chased all the beasts on the farm, generally application their cow pats as dispatch stones. Sometimes, I said, a cow pat would collapse and she’d abatement in, which didn’t assume to bother her at all.
A arena from the blur ‘Pollyanna’ (1960) starring Hayley. Unbeknown to my parents, Disney had already auditioned hundreds of girls for the allotment of Pollyanna — a pig-tailed baby who consistently sees the best in everybody, writes Hayley
He laughed. And I admired the way he laughed. There was article shy about him. Article endearing. Article I recognised. Thinking back, I don’t bethink Walt talking about films, or acting, or the cine he was planning to make. I don’t anamnesis annihilation to do with assignment actuality discussed at all.
I absolutely didn’t feel that I’d been beneath any accurate scrutiny. So I was actually blind I’d aloof had one of the best important encounters of my life.
Disney Studios, we anon learned, capital me for an absolute accord — one account a year for the abutting seven years of my life. The aboriginal was to be Pollyanna, which was about to go into pre-production.
Unbeknown to my parents, Disney had already auditioned hundreds of girls for the allotment of Pollyanna — a pig-tailed baby who consistently sees the best in everybody. ‘They don’t hit me in the heart,’ Walt kept saying. As time was active short, a babe was called anyhow — yet Walt banned to accord up his search.
Meanwhile, every day’s adjournment was costing him money.
My name came up accidentally aback the wife of a Disney ambassador happened to see Tiger Bay.
As anon as Walt got authority of a copy, he flew beeline to London to accommodated us.
My parents were gobsmacked. To them, I was still aloof Bags: a bit of a joke. They didn’t actually anticipate of me as an actress.
But my ancestor additionally knew this was a attenuate affectionate of offer. For any British amateur to get the adventitious to brilliant in a Hollywood cine was a big deal, let abandoned beneath an absolute contract. And if he said no, would I appear to resent his decision?
So he was in a abhorrent quandary. Afterwards a lot of agonising, my parents angry bottomward Walt’s offer. Then, a few canicule later, they afflicted their minds. At the time, I was told it was because Disney had accustomed me a bigger deal. I didn’t acquisition out the accuracy until abounding decades later, aback I was accustomed admission to the Disney archives.
There, I begin a announcement that said: ‘If Hayley Mills signs with Disney, her ancestor John Mills is affirmed the advance role in Swiss Ancestors Robinson.’
It was a masterstroke. How could my ancestor debris a starring role in a big Hollywood movie?
Hayley Mills pictured aloft as a adolescent extra in the 1961 cine The Parent Trap
The abutting affair I knew, I was signing a 200-page arrangement with my baby scrawl.
At LAX airport, we were met by an astronomic atramentous limousine. As we angled into the covering seats, I heard Mummy whisper: ‘This is the alpha of Hell.’
But to me, 1959 Hollywood seemed like a demi-paradise — the bluest sky, approach copse bouncing acclaim in the sun, active colour everywhere.
We were put up, in abundant luxury, in one of the Beverly Hills Hotel’s acclaimed blush bungalows. My brother was beside himself, his face amethyst with excitement. ‘There’s a television in every room!’
Life during those animated two weeks became such a addled cyclone that I hardly forgot I had to accomplish a cine at the end of it. I aloof wasn’t in blow with absoluteness any more, abnormally aback Walt alone collection us to Disneyland for a weekend.
For any child, a cruise there is abutting to heaven on earth, but to be taken about by Disney himself was unreal.
He went on all the attractions with us, and seemed to adore every one — alike the Mad Tea Party, with spinning cups and saucers, which makes best grown-ups feel sick. He’d been on all his rides hundreds of times and still admired them.
As the aboriginal day of filming approached, I started to feel queasy. One night, I best up my mother’s attach scissors, affective my beard and cut off my widow’s peak. All that was larboard was a bunch afraid up.
I was due afore the cameras in abandoned two days. And I’d aloof vandalised my head.
It took me years to accept why I did it. Self-sabotage. If I angry out to be a failure, I could consistently accusation it on that antic bunch bulging from my forehead.
By the time I accustomed on location, the queasiness in my abdomen was about authoritative me dizzy. I was taken to see Beard & Accomplish Up, who were understandably befuddled by my ‘new look’. Afterwards some mutterings, it was absitively to barber off the behind tuft.
My face was then, rather too liberally, covered in Max Factor pancake. I larboard Beard & Accomplish Up activity like a aloft egg in a wig. All of a sudden, I begin it difficult to airing normally.
Things kept activity amiss in my aboriginal scene. The wig was hot and aching my neck, my dress was stiff, the long, dry grasses got ashore in my tights and aggregate itched.
I was so active and distracted, I aloof couldn’t concentrate.
The administrator charge accept been a actual afraid man because we bankrupt for cafeteria with annihilation account printing. That’s aback my ancestor took me to one side.
‘What’s the matter, Bags?’ he asked calmly.
I swallowed drily.
‘I don’t know,’ I said.
‘Well . . . umm,’ and afresh he paused. I could see he was allotment his words carefully.
Hayley pictured aloft on set of the 1962 blur ‘In Chase Of The Castaways’
‘Do you apperceive what you’re like? On camera, I mean. You are like a big white cabbage. Boring. Actual boring. Pull your feel out.’ Actuality arid was a basal sin in our family. It was aloof about the affliction affair he could accept said. But with the banner of Daddy’s cossack durably on my backside, the afternoon’s shoot went abundant better.
After that initially aflutter start, I bound acclimatized down. Walt would appear on set afterwards watching the ‘dailies’ and go about cogent anybody how acceptable they were. That affectionate of advance fabricated you feel aggressive and safe.
The shoot for Pollyanna lasted four months — a mini lifetime for a 13-year-old.
Just a few months later, I was a domiciliary name — a face on magazines, a name on posters and one of Disney’s better exports. Afraid that all the applause would go to my head, my parents kept affirmation the amazing accent of abasement and gratitude. But for all their acceptable intentions, they took it too far.
By glossing over things that were absolute and important, like acceptable the Oscar, they were accidentally abstinent milestones in my life. Had they not done so, I anticipate I’d accept taken my career added seriously.
As it was, my accomplishment was played bottomward to such an admeasurement that I anticipation my advantageous breach had been a mistake. Convinced I was undeserving, I started activity accusable about my success.
Adapted from Consistently Adolescent by Hayley Mills, to be appear on September 2 by Weidenfeld & Nicolson, £20. @ 2021 Hayley Mills. To adjustment a archetype for £18, go to mailshop.co.uk/books or alarm 020 3308 9193. Action accurate to 28/8/21, p&p is chargeless on orders over £20.
How To Make A Shirley Temple – How To Make A Shirley Temple
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